


Make up my mind, Make up my heart

by darklioness82



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7919728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklioness82/pseuds/darklioness82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 'Protect and Serve,' pre 'Brave New World' based on spoilers. When I saw Hanssen fronting those news reports, there was one thing that immediately came to mind; that Alex would have been watching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make up my mind, Make up my heart

“We were in a heightened state of emotion, it didn’t mean anything.” That was what Serena had said when she’d finally run out of excuses to avoid speaking to Bernie. The thing was, it made sense and Bernie wondered if she’d read the situation completely wrong and had made unwanted advances on her friend. The guilt twisted inside of her and added itself to the ever-increasing pile; directly on top of the guilt she felt about being, at least in part, responsible for Fletch’s current condition. 

 

Serena had spent that evening in a daze, she’d barely slept and had gone over and over things in her mind. She’d eventually convinced herself that it had simply been a natural reaction to reach out to someone close, a friend, when someone else you cared about was fighting for their life. But then the moment she’d told Bernie that to her face, she instantly wanted to take it back again. Perhaps there was something to be said for grabbing life by the short and curlies and taking a chance on something new? It was typical then that when Serena had finally wanted to find Bernie, the other woman was nowhere to be found.

 

Bernie was sat on the fire escape, phone in hand with a distracted look on her face when Serena eventually tracked her down. Bernie twitched at the sound of the fire door opening and then closing again, alerting her to someone’s presence but she didn’t turn around or acknowledge them. 

 

“Are you alright?” Serena ventured carefully when she’d noticed the glint of tear tracks on Bernie’s cheeks in the sunlight. 

 

“I think so.” Bernie said softly as Serena sat herself down next to her friend, consciously close and determined not to pull away. Bernie seemed to come back to herself then and took a deep breath. She raised her mobile phone up in the air which drew Serena’s attention to it. “I umm… Alex texted. She’d seen the news reports, wanted to know if I was alright.” It had been a surprise to say the least but one that Bernie had quickly realised was most welcome. 

 

“Okay.” Serena’s heart began to race and an uneasy feeling settled over her. 

 

“I responded and asked if she wanted to talk.” Bernie looked up at Serena then and caught her gaze to judge her reaction. “We're meeting up tomorrow.” 

 

“Right, I see.” The reply had been expressionless, devoid of emotion so Bernie couldn't tell what was going through her friend’s mind.

 

“Say something?” She'd wanted Serena to tell her not to go, that she'd like to see where their burgeoning relationship would take them. Or she'd wanted her friend to tell her to go for it and go after the woman she'd already been through so much with, the one she'd dissolved her marriage for. Anything so she didn't have to choose between two people and invariably hurt someone again. 

 

“It's nothing to do with me.” Serena held her hands up, eliminating herself from any part in Bernie's confused personal life. 

 

“And that's it? Because I think I'm still in love with her and I'm going to ask her if we can try again.” It was what she wanted more than anything, but she'd slowly been reconciling herself with the fact that Alex might never want to see her again and had made a few steps towards moving on. 

 

“This isn't fair Bernie.” There was a hint of disappointment in Serena’s voice. She knew it wasn't an easy choice but it was Bernie's one to make. 

 

“No, you're right. Sorry.” Bernie ruefully shook her head. Serena reached out and cupped her hand around Bernie's cheek. She pressed a firm kiss to her her lips which Bernie responded to in kind. Serena then stood and took a step away from her friend. She was grown up enough to understand when she'd already lost before she'd begun. 

  
“Yeah, me too.” Serena left back through the fire door and left Bernie alone with her thoughts once again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from a song in Starlight Express. I thought it was quite apt.


End file.
